Life Is But A Dream
by CatwomanNY
Summary: Nick falls in love, gets engaged, and really screws up...or does he? A really old fanfic I had lying around. No spoilers and written during 2nd season. A few L&O:SVU characters dropped by for a playdate, but not a crossover. Rated M because I am.


It was a hot summer night as her powder blue 1968 Chevy Corvette Convertible flew down the dirt road, top down, and the breeze blowing wisps of her long brown hair out of the ponytail holder at the base of her neck, not caring that her hair occasionally blew into her eyes, she simply ran her hand over and pushed it back into place. She was leaving, it was the last straw, actually, it was the first straw, but she wasn't about to let it progress any further, she'd been there before and she wasn't going to go through it again just for Nick Stokes, no matter how good he looked or how he made her feel, or even the way he was the best lover she'd ever had. No man was worth crawling for, she told herself, wiping a tear from her eye; no man was going to step on her again. "Fuck him!" She screamed into the night. "Fuck him!" The tears streamed down her face. How could he have done that? How could he have stepped out on her and with a hooker? Sorry, an escort, he had called her, a friend, he had called her. She pulled over, the tears blurred the road, and she had put to much effort into restoring that car. "Goddamn you, Nicky Stokes!" She had fallen in love with him, she hadn't meant to, she had only planned to have a short fling, leave it being friends, like Warrick, but something had happened. Somewhere between the night and the morning, the week and the weekend, somewhere beyond her sheets, she had fallen in love with Nick Stokes.

Their last scene played through his head. She had given him the ring back, the ring that had belonged to his mother, the one with the diamond that sparkled like her eyes, and she had done it in front of his co-workers, fellow CSIs, Catherine, and Gris, but that hadn't mattered to him, at least not then. Catherine had tried to get him to let her go, to give her time, but he knew that she'd get in her car and she blaze a path out of town, she'd leave again, not knowing exactly where'd she'd end up, just needing to run from the pain. Now, as he sped down this dirt road, their last words to each other echoing in his ears, he knew he had to get her back, he had no right to expect her forgiveness, but he had to try. It hadn't been planned, what happened with Kristy, he had seen her fighting with that guy and had gone to save her, as usual, but this time was different, she had invited him in, he never should have gone, but one glass of wine, her kiss, she had been more intoxicating than the alcohol. They had ended up having sex, and that was all it was, sex, simple sex, not anything near the way he and Jack made love, but it had happened and Jack had found out, and here he was tearing through the blackened desert, tears blurring his vision, not even caring, on a mission to find her, to beg for her forgiveness, praying just to see her again.

It had been a night much like this one that Jack had met Nick. That night had been one of the worst of her life, but she had stayed in Las Vegas, she hadn't run that time, probably because of Nick, she thought now as she reminisced. It was a terrible, brutal scene, even the pictures had gotten to her, but then to meet the mastermind, it was a bad night for anyone on the night shift. Nick had helped her case, then befriended her, and protected her, then slowly, moved into her bed, then her heart. With that thick black hair, those amazing dark eyes, heart-melting smile, and subtle Texas drawl she hadn't even seen him coming until he was on bended knee with the diamond in his hand. She had cried, bawled, with joy, throwing her arms around him as he cried with her. She had naïvely believed that this was forever, that she would finally have a marriage like her parents, like his parents. Now, the tears were tears of grief, tears of pain, that she cried out here in the middle of the barren desert.

There it was, just over the next rise, the small classic convertible and, thank god, it was parked on the side of the road, he wouldn't spend the rest of the night looking for her, though he gladly would have driven to the moon and back. His heart leapt slightly then fell again as he saw her slumped over the steering wheel, obviously crying. He knew he had hurt her; he had hurt himself. Slowly, he pulled the GMC SUV to the side of the road behind her and watched her for a few minutes before she recognized the car.

"Damn it." Jack saw the headlights behind her and instantly recognized the Yukon's headlights. The last person she wanted to be seeing right now was Nick Stokes, or Catherine Willows for that matter. She wanted just to drive, to get out of here, to go back to her beloved New York, back to her comfortable apartment and anonymity. Stepping on the clutch, she started the engine with a roar and was easing off the clutch when Nick called out to her. "Go away, Nicolas!" She screamed back.

"Please, Jackie, just give me a chance."

The tears started again and she popped the clutch, causing the car to lurch then stall. "Damn you, Nick! Leave me alone!" She buried her head in her hands again. Feeling his strong hand on her hair, she threw her head back and jumped over the door. "Don't you even touch me!"

"Jackie, I know you're upset. You have every right to be upset, but Baby, please, give me a chance to explain." Nick recoiled from her growl.

"Give you a chance to what? To try and explain why you fucked a hooker? To get me to forgive you so you can do it again later on down the road? No, Cowboy, I don't think so, I've been down this road a time or two, and this is where I get off this time and nothing you could possibly have to say will get me to forgive you for what you did."

"Please, Jack, I know I screwed up and I don't have any right to be standing here, but, please, just listen to me. All I'm asking for is five minutes."

Jack looked at her watch in the moonlight. "All right, you've got five minutes, no more, no less. Go."

_Heading towards the crime lab, Jack had the top down on the Corvette, hair blowing in the breeze and Aerosmith's 'Walk This Way' cranked on the car stereo. As she turned into the driveway, the song changed to CCR's 'Who'll Stop The Rain', and she saw all of the news media parked in front. Damn it, how did they always get here before her. Quickly putting the top on the Corvette, she made her way through the swarm of media personalities trying to earn a Pulitzer off of someone else's tragedy. Seeing the CSI team standing outside the interrogation room, she called out. "Grissom, what have you got for me?"_

"_A signed and sealed confession." The man with the salt and peppered hair responded with a slight grin._

_Jack smiled, "Why can't they all be this easy." She took the file folder from him and felt the color drain from her face as she opened it. "This guy's name isn't Jackson Munsey, his name is Craig Watson and he's wanted for rape in New York. Run his prints then prepare him for transport. I'll call the New York DA's office."_

"_I'm not authorized to do that, Jack." Grissom questioned the look on her face._

"_You are now." She snapped and headed for the conference room so she could make a phone call. "Detective John Munch." Her voice was steely, it had to be, this case was hitting a little close to home._

_Twenty minutes later, Nick Stokes watched this beautiful and talented woman emerge from the conference room. She was white as a sheet. "Jack, you OK?"_

"_Hmm, oh, yeah, thanks, Nick." Shaking her head, she pulled herself out of her fog._

"_You want to go grab a bite to eat while we wait for the answer from New York? A bunch of us are heading over to the Orpheus if you want to join us." He saw a small smile curve her lips. "Now, that's better. What he do in New York anyway?"_

_The smile faded as she snapped at him. "He brutally raped a young girl. I'd really rather not talk about it, OK Nick?"_

"_Sure. Look, why don't you ride over with me rather than everyone taking their own car." He offered as he put his arm around her shoulders._

"_Thanks, Nick." Halfway through the meal, her cell phone rang and she quickly answered it. "Anderson." She said gruffly. "Good, I'll have Captain Brass pick him up at the airport and they can be back on their way by sundown tomorrow." Flipping the phone closed, she turned her attention back to the table. "Sorry about that, but this guy is a vicious predator and while his crimes here are heinous, his crimes back home are worse."_

"_You mean in New York?" Sara grinned._

"_Yeah, what did I say?"_

"_Back home." Warrick grinned. "It's OK, Jackie, we know where your heart is."_

_Jack laughed and got back on her cell phone to call Captain Brass. This was one case that got under her skin for a very good reason, but she would never tell them. "Yeah, Jim. I need you to pick up two New York detectives from the airport and take them to pick up Jackson Munsey. He's their prisoner now." Closing the phone again, she looked over at Nick, the lead CSI on this case, and pleaded with her eyes. "Nick, you'll make sure that all of the evidence stays intact for when this dirtbag comes back to Vegas to do his time?"_

_He'd never seen her look like this before, there was a child-like look of fear, desperation, which was so foreign that it made her look small. "Of course, Jack."_

_Later that night…_

"Nick," Jack interrupted, not willing to relive that part of history "I know how we met and you're five minutes are about up. I haven't heard a single explanation." She hopped down off the hood of the Corvette. "Now, I've got somewhere to be."

He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Jack, I know you remember all of that, but I want you to remember what you told me before it all started."

"Why Nick? So you can tell me that I knew better than to trust you and it's my own damn fault that you slept with Kristy? I don't think so, Cowboy." She went to push past him.

"Wait, Jack. That's not what I was saying, just please listen."

"Fuck off!" She screamed right in his face. "I don't think you get it. You fucked another woman while we were engaged!" Her Long Island accent came pouring through. "I could have understood and it wouldn't have even been a big deal if you had just driven her home after rescuing her again, but you went inside, you got undressed, you kissed her, and then you laid her back, parted her legs, and FUCKED her! What am I supposed to remember that's going to suddenly change that fact? Now, let me go."

"Fine, Jack, but I want you to know that I love you and I'll be here when you change your mind." He stepped back, fighting tears of his own. There was no use arguing with her now. The pain was too fresh, Catherine had been right, she needed her space, but he needed her. Jack started the car and sped off without another word.

Two hours later, Jack pulled off the highway and into the parking lot of a Hilton. It was close to midnight and she was burnt. The entire day had taken so much from her and the pillow felt so good as her head hit it, she was asleep almost instantly…

_Entering the interrogation room, a familiar place to a seasoned District Attorney like Jack, her hands were sweaty, her heart was racing, and she was about ready to scream. "Nice to meet you again, Mr. Watson. I hope you've liked your stay here in Las Vegas, but you're heading back to the Big Apple in a matter of hours." She seethed._

"_I don't know what you're talking about?" The blond-haired freak leaned back in his chair, a thin smile curving his lips._

"_Oh, but I think you do and the gig is up. You know, you really fucked up. You should have lain low, but that's not your style, and now you're going to pay with you're life. You see, they have that pesky little thing called the death penalty in New York and you're number one on the list. I hope you enjoy needles." She said coldly then walked out after watching his face turn pale and that smile fade. "Is John here yet?"_

"_John?" Nick asked with a confused look._

"_John Munch, the detective from New York, has he arrived yet?" Jack was growing impatient._

"_No, but Brass left about an hour ago, they should be back soon." Nick watched her fume as she paced._

"_Jackie, you got a sec?" Catherine pulled her friend by the arm into the break room. "What's going on with you? I've never seen you lose your cool over a case like this and now you're snapping at everyone. Talk to me, Jack."_

"_Cath, this case…" she shook her head, "this case is personal. This scumbag raped and murdered my sister."_

"_You're kidding me." A shocked look came over Catherine's face._

"_I really wish I were and I don't mean to take it out on you guys, but this all has to fall together, his attorney is one of the best in New York and if there's even a slight mistake or typo, Arthur Gold will get him off." Just then, she saw Brass walk down the hall and she ran out. "So, where's John?" She almost pounced on him._

"_Hiding from your wrath." A tall, lanky, man dressed all in black with a black fedora laughed. "How you doing, Jack?"_

"_Better now that you're here." A small smile came over her face finally. "How you been, John?"_

"_I was doing well until I received your phone call, but hey, I get to see you again." Just then, the man standing next to him cleared his throat. "Oh, yeah, Jack, this is my new partner."_

"_Odafin Tutuola, but call me Fin. I'd say it was a pleasure to meet you, but I'd be stretching it." The good-looking black man, only slightly shorter than John, extended his hand._

"_Thank you, Fin. I'm Jacqueline Anderson, but call me Jack." She smiled and shook his hand. "So, you're the guy who replaced Brian."_

"_Actually, I replaced Jefferies, Cassidy transferred while I was still in Narcotics."_

"_You seemed to have a little more experience than Brian." She shook her head. "I hate to do this, but we really should just release the prisoner to you and let you get back to that plane."_

"_Jack, you alright with this?" John asked cautiously._

"_I'll be better when he's on death row, so, please, just get him out of here."_

"_Vegas doesn't want him for his crimes?"_

"_Put it this way, their willing to let him do his life sentence back home and if by some fluke, Arthur Gold gets him off, he'll come right back down here to stand trial. Their willing to live with that considering the heinous nature of his New York offense."_

"_In other words," John cracked a smile, "you convinced them that you wouldn't shut up unless they did what you said."_

"_Pretty much, now, will you please get him out of this state and back to yours." She stopped herself, remembering her manners. "It really was nice to meet you Fin. Take care of John for me."_

"_I will, Jack, don't you worry."_

"_And you," she turned to John, "don't scare off another partner, OK? This one's a keeper." Hugging him she stepped aside and watched as they walked the greasy, dirty, man from her past out of the courthouse and into the sedan. "Thank god." She said softly as she watched the cruiser pull away._

_Nick watched Jack's body language. She was in agony, relief, and grief all at the same time. Gently, he began massaging her shoulders and felt her jump. "Shh," he whispered, "it's just me." Her satiny smooth skin felt good beneath his fingers. "You cold?" He felt her shiver slightly._

"_No, but thank you. I just felt a chill go down my spine. That man does that to me." She shook her head and just relaxed enjoying the way his strong hands felt on her shoulders and her neck. "You're hands are like magic, Nick."_

_He smiled slyly, wanting to throw a zinger, but he held back. "Thanks." This wasn't the time to get into the witty banter. "Look, you want a ride home?"_

"_No, thanks, I've got my car." Jack sighed. "Nick, thanks for calling me about this." She turned around and looked him in the eye._

"_Jack, what did I do?" He grinned. "We had a solid case, he confessed, it's only natural that we would call the DA's office."_

"_Did he just walk in and confess?"_

"_Kind of, he said he was the boyfriend and when questioned, he broke down. I guess he didn't expect to meet you. We didn't run him through AFIS since he confessed and I think he was counting on that."_

"_Yeah, he expected to get Man 2 and get two to six, be out in eighteen months, and no one would be the wiser. Too bad he ran into me, huh?" She smirked sadly. "Well, thanks again Nick, but I think I'm going to call it a night. Besides, don't y'all have other open cases?"_

"_Not really, you want to go grab a drink?" He noticed her eyes, the way they drew him in, the suggestive way they had, he hadn't noticed it before._

_Jack hadn't met to flirt with him, it had just happened, and right now, she could use something to take her mind off of what had just happened. "Why not."_

_Fifteen minutes later, they were locked in an embrace in the elevator of her building, hot lips pressing against each other, hands exploring every inch of the other's body. Jack's hands in Nick's thick hair, pulling him closer as they leaned against the door to her suite. "You sure you want to do this?" Nick asked rather breathlessly._

"_Yes." She kissed him again, quickly swiping her keycard in the lock and flinging the door open as Nick took her into his arms._

"_OK." Kissing her again and sweeping her into his arms, he carried her to the bedroom and lay her back on the pillows, crudely removing her clothes as she fumbled with his. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his wallet as Jack caressed his chest, sending a fire through him that he had never felt. "Damn!" Pushing her away, he kissed her lips. "Jack, I didn't bring anything. We can't do this."_

_Kissing him hard, she whispered in his ear as she pulled him down on top of her. "You ever test positive for anything?" The Long Island accent came through as he kissed her neck, his touch feeling like bolts of lighting._

"_No, never." He said quickly, not really taking his mouth from her skin._

"_Then fuck it." The attraction, the passion, the lust, was too much for her to handle. There was no way she was going to be able to stop now without exploding and she expressed as much when she kissed him again, her hands exploring his sweat covered torso, loving the way his muscles reacted to her touch._

_Nick couldn't disagree; they had gone way beyond the point of no return. He would have stopped if she had wanted, but he was very glad that she had said what she did. Their bodies intertwined, establishing a smooth rhythm, then exploding when the tension became too much._

"_You really have to go?" Jack caressed Nick's shoulders as he sat on the edge of the bed tying his shoes._

"_I really probably should." He turned around and kissed her._

"_You know, Nicky, I don't want this to change anything."_

_He laughed. "What's a little sex between friends?" His Texas drawl came through as he kissed her one last time before standing up. "Glad I could be there for you."_

"_So am I." She knelt on the bed and kissed him again. "Have a good night and you can tell Gil that you were helping me out if he asks where you were."_

_Nick grinned. "Don't worry, I wasn't on the clock." He kissed her one last time, almost hating to leave her. "Mmm, I really should go."_

_Jack laughed at the way his accent. "Good night, Cowboy."_

"_Night, Jackie." Nick smiled and quickly showed himself to the door._

_Jack flopped back on the bed with a wide smile. Man, that was the best she'd ever had and she had never even planned to sleep with Nick Stokes, but now she was glad she had. Her mind wandered back to the past hour and her smile widened. Nick just had a way, always had since she'd known him, of making her feel better, bringing a smile to her face. "Damn you, Nick y." She laughed as she shook her head. She hadn't meant for this to effect her so much, but he had that way about him._

Jack woke up with a start. It had felt so real, but it was a dream, her mind had picked up where Nick had left off. "Damn you!" She began crying again and buried her face in the pillow before getting up and making her way back to the highway. Pulling herself together, she drove on, the top down, wind in her hair, and Billy Joel's 'New York State of Mind' blaring on the Corvette's stereo. It was fitting that the first song that came across told her that she was going home.

Two days later, Jack parked the Corvette in front of a familiar house in Queens around two in the morning. Sitting in the car, she tried so hard to drive away, to not bother the family inside, but she needed him, probably more than even she knew. Slowly, quietly, so as not to wake the neighbors, she rang the bell. "I'm sorry, El." She said to the closed door.

"Who the hell is that?" Detective Elliott Stabler woke with a start. Carefully unlocking the nightstand drawer, he drew his Glock and ventured downstairs. Peering through the curtains, he recognized the familiar face. "Jackie." He said with a sigh of relief. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"I, um," she stammered and felt the tears begin to slide down her cheeks, "I, um, El, I'm really sorry, but, um, do you want to go grab a cup of coffee?"

"Sure, sure, just give me one minute to get dressed. Jackie, come in."

"No, I think it's best that I wait in the car, I don't want to disrupt your family anymore."

"Nonsense, come in and sit down." Elliott gently took her shoulder and led her to the couch. The shaking was prevalent and he wondered how in the world she was able to drive being in this state, but he knew her, she had simply focused all her energy on driving from Vegas and was now falling apart. Taking her into his arms, he felt her collapse. "Jackie, give me one minute. I'll be right down."

"Thank you, and tell Kathy I'm sorry." Jack wiped her face and tried to regain her composure.

"You can tell her yourself." A female voice came from the stairs. "What's going on? Why aren't you in Vegas with that good-looking fiancé of yours?"

The tears welled up again. "Kathy, that's why I'm here. Things rather fell apart and I didn't know where else to turn. I'm really sorry to be disturbing you at this ridiculous hour."

Kathy Stabler hugged her closest friend tightly. Since they had known each other, since Jackie had joined the New York District Attorney's Office, almost ten years previous, she had never seen her like this. "Honey, it's OK. Believe me, this is nothing. Elliott gets phone calls at all hours; we just weren't ready for you to knock on the door. You want to tell me what happened?"

"I don't know exactly, but it started with him sleeping with a hooker, a call girl, he called her, a friend of his and it ended up with me here and I don't know how to get back, I don't even know where I am or where I'm going." The tears streamed down her face again, her breath was labored, and she shook.

"Oh man, Jack, you poor thing." Kathy held her close.

"OK, you ready? I'll drive." Elliott came down the backstairs.

"You go with El, he'll take care of you, Jackie. But, don't be a stranger, I'm here for you too."

"Thanks, Kath, you are such a good friend, and I am so sorry for waking you up."

"Not to worry, I'm used to it by now." Kathy smiled but shot a concerned look at her husband.

Elliott nodded. "OK, there's an all-night diner a little ways from here, that good with you?"

Jackie nodded weakly. "That's fine."

"You gonna get anything besides coffee?" Elliott questioned as the waitress stood by their table. "When was the last time you ate, Jackie?" He noticed how pale she looked.

"Before I left." She shook her head. "No, coffee's just fine, I'm not all that hungry."

"Before you left this morning or before you left Vegas?" He knew her too well to accept that vague statement and he grinned as he asked the question.

"Really, El, I'm not hungry, thanks."

He thought better than to order for her, though it was on the tip of his tongue. "All right, thanks, miss." The waitress left and he turned his attention back to the frail, pale, shell of a woman sitting across from him. "So, what made you drive all the way from Vegas?"

"El," she shook her head again, this wasn't what she wanted to be doing, this was all wrong, "you know, maybe this isn't the best thing. I shouldn't be burdening you with this mess." She went to leave.

Elliott caught her arm. "No way, Jackie. You show up on my doorstep at two in the morning in tears, barely able to stand on your own, having driven all the way from Las Vegas, Nevada, saying that you need to talk to me, and then you up and leave? I don't think so, Jackie, what's going on?"

"I don't know that's just it, El. This all started a week ago when I got called in to a murder scene of a friend of Nick's, she's a call girl, but it turns out that he had slept with her the night before she died and he was lead suspect. Anyway, three days ago they find the real killer, but it's still fresh on my mind that Nick fucked her while he was engaged to me. He had promised to be loyal to me. I had actually been faithful, why couldn't he? I gave him back his ring and quickly drove out of town. I didn't know where else to go, El. I thought about going to Brian's, but I haven't seen him in almost three years, I couldn't just show up out of nowhere, then I thought about just going somewhere new, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm sorry, El, I really am." She wiped her face as the tears flowed freely.

"Whoa." Elliott tried to process everything. "OK, so he slept with the hooker then she was murdered? Did he step out with her on purpose?"

"No, Kristy was a friend that he knew. I knew that, but I didn't think he would sleep with her. The way he tells it, it just happened. She was in trouble and he saved her, again, and after he drove her home, he went in for a drink and ended up 'having a connection' and slept with her. Later that night, the guy who had been hassling her before shows up, kills her, and frames him. I don't know, El. He asked for forgiveness, but I don't know if I can do that again. Yet, I love him and I want him back. God, I am in sorry shape."

"Jackie, he stepped out on you. You've been down that road before with the ballplayer. You wasted six months being lied to, so I think you made the right move by calling it off, but if you really love him, I don't know what to tell you Jackie. I mean, the guy's a jerk for playing you like that, you deserve better, but you're going to do whatever you want to anyway. I mean, I know you Jack, Kathy knows you, but you never seem to listen."

"I did this time, El. I heard you and Kathy as I drove. I heard what you told me about Derrick, but Nick's different. He's a real gentleman."

"Jack, he's a real idiot for doing what he did. Do you honestly thing that Kathy would take me back if I did to her what he did to you?"

"I guess not." She circled the rim of the coffee cup with her finger.

"Jackie, look at me." He placed a gentle hand on her chin and raised her eyes to meet his. "Jack, you are one of the most beautiful, intelligent women I know. Don't settle for a jackass like Nick Stokes, or Derrick Jones for that matter, who treats you like their emotional doormat. You hear me?"

She nodded and fought back the tears. "Thank you, El, and I am really sorry for waking you up. I feel like your fifth child."

"As long as you don't want me to pay for your college education, it's fine with me." He laughed as he watched her smile. "I can put you in touch with Cassidy if that's what you really want?" He said after a while.

"He's with Narcotics I heard."

"Yeah, and he's doing much better. You want to see him?"

"I don't know, Elliott. Maybe I should wait. It would just be a rebound thing like it was before and he's too nice a guy to burn twice."

"I don't think you burned him, but if you want to wait, then you wait. Just be careful." Standing up, Elliott took her into his strong arms.

Jack fought the tears again. She was incredibly jealous of Kathy, Elliott was so wonderful, understanding, kind, and handsome, but he was faithfully married, she knew that above all else. He and Kathy had been through a lot and it had made them stronger. Jack silently wished that she would find someone like Elliott Stabler one day. "Thanks again, El, and tell Kathy and the kids that I'm sorry."

"Jackie, don't worry about it." Stroking her hair, he heard her sigh. "Jack, it'll be alright, I promise."

"I sure hope so, El, and you know something," she pulled back and looked into his eyes, "Kathy is really lucky. I hope she knows that."

Elliott just smiled and drove her back to her car, watching her drive into the night, probably heading to her house in The Hamptons. That's where she always retreated after a messy break-up. She'd call in a few days, Elliott was sure. Heading back into the house, he ran up the stairs, though quietly so as not to wake the kids, took Kathy into his arms and kissed her so lovingly before they made love.

_It was two weeks later that Jack became aware that that night might have changed things, but she was content to follow where it went. Nick was spending more time at her suite, she was spending an equal amount of time at his condo, and they were sneaking off at work. They'd share glances, lightly touch as they passed in the hall, and Jack was beginning to like having her 'Cowboy' around more. This wasn't like Warrick, it wasn't just sexual, it was more. He made her feel good all over, something that hadn't happened since the death of her sister. For almost four years she'd been running, and Nick knew that, she'd been trying to find somewhere she felt like she belonged, and finally, she had found it in Las Vegas, in the most unlikely spot, with a bunch of crime scene investigators and a guy from, of all places, Texas. Jack had always seen her life in New York with a man who worked on Wall Street, someone like her father, who loved his family, but loved his career and his money more, but Nick wasn't like that, he actually cared about her, and by that Christmas, she knew she loved him too._

_A week before Christmas, Jack squeezed Nick's hand almost to the point of him losing circulation as they deplaned at Dallas/Fort Worth. "Baby, you'll be fine. I promise." It was so hard not to laugh, she was more nervous about meeting his parents than he was about introducing her._

"_Nicky, I don't know if I can do this. I mean, my parents have been dead for most of my life and your parents probably aren't expecting a sassy New Yorker." Her shaking was pronounced as she gripped Nick's arm for support._

"_Jackie, they're expecting the woman that I fell in love with. Just be you're charming self and they'll love you just as much as I do." He lightly kissed her cheek._

"_Nicky!" A female voice with a strong Texas accent rang out over the din of the airport._

"_Oh God." Jack whispered. "I really can't do this."_

_Laughing as he saw the color drain from her face, Nick called back to the voice. "Hey Mama." As he went to hug her, Jack wouldn't let go of his hand. "Well, Mama, this is Jacqueline Anderson, the woman I was telling you about."_

"_Nice to meet you, Mrs. Stokes." Forcing her hand forward so as not to forget her manners, she hoped she wouldn't get sick._

"_Now, child, you give me a hug." The elderly woman, shorter than Nick, stood on her tiptoes and flung her arms around Jack's neck. "And please, call me 'Mom', all of Nicky's friends do." She smiled._

"_Thank you, Mrs.…I mean, Mom." The fear was evident on her face, though she tried her best to cover it up with her best smile._

"_You OK?" Nick whispered in her ear as they rode back to his family's house. The color had yet to return to her face and as they got closer and closer to their destination, she looked more and more like she was going to pass out._

"_Not really, but I will be for you." She kissed his cheek as she placed her head on his shoulder._

"_We'll be there in a minute, Mama." Nick said as they climbed out of the car and waited until she was out of sight before pulling her to him and kissing her. "You'll be fine. Just remember that I love you and nothing could change that." Finally, he watched a smile come across her lips. "That's better, now let's go inside before we freeze."_

As she sat bolt upright in bed, a cold sweat poured off her brow. This was why she hadn't stopped for the last two nights, but fifty hours straight was her limit. What had Nick started? "Damn it." She said again before running into the shower.

Later that afternoon, lounging by the pool trying to get things straight, still thinking about her reoccurring dreams, the housekeeper brought the phone out to her. "Thank you, Mrs. Laningham." The Caller-ID was blank, so she had no warning. "This is Jack."

"John thought you might be there and I'm glad he was right." A familiar male voice came through the phone.

"Nicolas, please, I don't want to talk to you right now." She was about to hang-up when she heard him change his tone.

"Jackie, please, I miss you. Come home, or I'll come there. I'm sorry." Nick pleaded with tears in his eyes. For the past two days he'd been worried sick, she hadn't answered her cell phone, the housekeeper had been giving him the runaround, and to top it off, Gris was riding his ass for not being on the ball at work, but how could he be? Part of his heart was in New York, scratch that, all of his heart was in New York. When he got no response, he pleaded again. "Jackie, I know that words aren't going to fix what happened, but I want you to know that Kristy meant nothing to me, nothing compared to you."

"Oh, great, I rank higher than a hooker." She rolled her eyes, which before he had said that were brimming with tears again. "Just stuff it, Nick. I mean you had it bad for her, for godsake you paid to bury the bitch, so, you know what, you're dick does a better job of thinking than you're doing right now, so why not let it take over and get back to me."

"She wasn't a bitch, Jack. She was a misunderstood woman who did desperate things."

"She was a WHORE!" Jack screamed, the tears of frustration pouring down her face now. "And now you have the nerve to defend her to me? Have you forgotten who issued the arrest warrant and took the killer's statement? I heard exactly how misunderstood she was, and just how she was able to manipulate an intelligent man like you into helping her, then fucking her. Jesus, Nick, she played you like a fucking Stradivarius. You were here 'get out of jail free card' and while there are only two in my deck, she had about four. Hey, you have an in with the cops, and you bought her line of bullshit once so when she gets picked up for a shoplifting beef who does she call? How about when she's being hassled by her pimp? Oh yeah, her favorite dick with a gun, her fucking knight with a shiny badge. I read her jacket, Nick, she used you then threw you out like an old condom, so don't talk to me about her being misunderstood and don't think anything that was near her is coming anywhere near me ever again."

"Jack, you have no right to talk about her like that."

"And yet you still defend her! How does that work? How does one win your undying loyalty and respect because I sure didn't? Tell me how could you be so blind, Nick? You are a highly intelligent man; tell me how you let yourself be duped by a con artist?"

"That's not fair. You didn't know her…"

"Shut up, Nicky!" She screamed again. "I don't have to know her to know her type and believe me, I know her type."

"Oh yeah, that's right because money can buy knowledge." Nick fired back.

"No, but money can teach you a few things about people, like how to spot moochers from a mile away and she was a moocher, Nick, one of the biggest, but you just couldn't see it, still can't and I refuse to compete with a memory."

"It's not a competition, Jackie. You're the one I love."

"Yeah, but she's the one who you're loyal to and she's the one you cared about. You were right." Her voice faded as the tears continued, but this time, the tears were ones of sorrow and loss, the frustration was gone, the anger, the blame, even the guilt, were all gone. Now all that was left was acceptance. "You were right, Nicky, when you asked me to remember when we met because I have. I now see the battle that went on and I know that I drove you to her. Me and my damn fear of losing control. You loved me from the beginning and I didn't love you until the end and that's not how it should have been, and I'm the one who's sorry this time, I'm just sorry that you had to sleep with a hooker to prove it." She was hysterical, almost incoherent. Her long brown hair was blowing in the warm summer breeze and into her face, where it stuck in the tracks of her tears. Her loud sobs echoed against the expansive stone building and filled her ears.

"No, Jackie, don't do this to yourself." Nick felt the hot tears streaming down his face, hitting the table as he cradled his head in his hand, unable to hold it upright anymore. "Jackie, Baby, I love you. I loved you from the beginning, and I love you more now. I just screwed up. I screwed up, not you. Please, don't blame yourself. Baby, please, come home, let me make it right."

"Goodbye, Nicky." She mustered. "I love you, and I'm sorry." With that, she threw the cordless phone into the pool and curled up into a ball.

"Dear," Mrs. Laningham placed a gentle hand on Jack's shoulder about five minutes later, "Dear, would you like me to get you something?" She'd known this precious child since she'd been born, practically raised the girl when her mother died, and then did raise her from age ten when her father died. She'd watched her go through so much with the death of Jillian, her sister, and prayed to the Good Lord that that was the last time she'd ever grieve like that, but her prayer wasn't answered. Here Jacqueline was, retching from a pain inside that only time and rest could heal. Only this time, putting the offender in jail wasn't going to help, it couldn't even happen. There was no retribution for what was done to her, she was just happy that Jacqueline had left after the first time.

"Yes, please, Mrs. Laningham. I think I better take a Valium and go back to bed." And pray that dream doesn't come back, she thought to herself as she climbed the stairs, her entire body aching, her stomach so distended from the dry heaves that she hoped she could keep the pill down.

_It was May, her birthday was right around the corner, and she could tell that Nick was up to something, though she couldn't tell what and neither Cat, Sara, or Warrick were being much help. She didn't even bother asking Gil, he would be the last to know. So, she was left to wonder and wait. As she was at her wits end, Nick finally called and asked her to come down to the crime lab late one night. The Corvette was purring as she turned into the driveway and saw Sara outside smoking a cigarette. "Hey, you know about this case that Nick called me about? Something about a woman with a missing finger?"_

_Sara laughed and gestured inside. "Just go to the break room and talk to him."_

"_Sara, you are very good at stonewalling." Jack grinned as her friend laughed. "Fine, I'll go to the break room."_

"_Surprise!" The three of them cheered and that's what struck her, it was only Cat, Warrick, and Sara. Where was Nick?_

"_Right here." Nick answered, almost in answer to her unposed question. "Jackie," he took her hand in his has he knelt down on one knee, "will you marry me?"_

_A complete state of shock encompassed her and she couldn't move, couldn't speak. Finally, she felt the first tears falling and fell to her knees as she flung her arms around his neck. "Yes, Cowboy, yes." As she said it, he slipped his mother's engagement ring on her finger, the same one she had admired at Christmas, the one that symbolized her version of a Norman Rockwell painting._

"I can't do this." Jack said as she woke up yet again from the same scene. Going to her closet, she pushed aside all of her starched business suits, all of the grays and navy blues, even the blacks, until she found what she was looking for, a black leather skirt, and a tight blue silk blouse. After her shower, she lightly picked the knots out of her long brown hair, allowing the natural ringlets to remain, before spraying it lightly to keep it from frizzing, then proceeded to don the rather provocative outfit and finished it off with Esteé Lauder 'Pleasures' perfume and professionally styled makeup highlighted with bright red lipstick. Slipping on her black Prada pumps, she headed downstairs. "Mrs. Laningham, I'm headed out. If anyone calls, I'll be back later."

"Won't you have you're cell on, Dear?" The older lady questioned with a concerned look.

"Yeah, but I don't want to bothered." Grabbing a black handbag, she threw in her lipstick, wallet, and Blackberry. "I'll see you later, Mrs. Laningham." And with that, she ran out to the garage and pondered which car would go with her mood. That was one perk of her Daddy's money that she rather liked. Settling on the brand new Mercedes Convertible, she put the top down and turned the radio on. Lynyrd Skynyrd's 'Sweet Home Alabama', filled the otherwise quiet street as she laid rubber and took off for Manhattan.

"Hey, Cassidy," the desk sergeant called out to the plain clothed detective walking in, "you got someone here to see you."

"Thanks, Greeley." The young, fair-haired, detective walked over to the chairs on the opposite wall only to find the woman of his dreams sitting there with a big smile on his face. "Hey Beautiful, what's going on? When did you blow back into town?"

Jack laughed. "Hi 'ya, Handsome. I just got in yesterday and thought you might be up for a little fun tonight. Desk Sergeant said you were off now. So, what'd 'ya say?"

Cassidy looked her up and down; she was still a vision even after three years. "Totally, let's go." Walking out, he called back to the desk sergeant, "Greeley, I'm outta here." As they got outside, he took her into his arms and kissed her hard, feeling her push back. "So, how'd you find me anyway?"

"Eh, it wasn't hard, John told me." Leaning against the car, she kissed him again. "So, Mr. Narc, what are you up for?" Grinning wildly, she playfully ran her fingernail down his chest.

"Man, Jack, what are you on?" Cassidy laughed.

She pulled him by the lapels of his leather jacket and kissed him hard. "Like you said, I just blew back into town and I'm feeling a little restless, that's all. Besides, do you really care?"

Kissing her again, he slid his hand up her thigh and just inside the hem of her skirt. "Not really. So, you what are you up for?"

"Hmm," her finger returned to his chest, "I don't know."

Cassidy laughed again as he grinned. "You want to just head back to my place?"

"Actually," Jack's eyes sparkled as she lightly brushed his lips with hers, "I was thinking more along the lines of a club, since we always just go back to your place when I'm in town. How does B. B. King's sound?"

"Sounds good." He hopped over the door to the convertible as she handed him the keys and he watched her laugh as she got into the passenger seat.

"Bri, Handsome, why don't we blow this joint." She whispered after only the first set. All of the darkness was allowing her to think too much and that wasn't what this night was about. So, she lightly rubbed the inside of his thigh and led him out the door. An hour later, she was getting dressed in the dark so as not to wake Brian, and, after placing a note on his nightstand, she drove back to her house in The Hamptons.

Mrs. Laningham heard Jacqueline come in around four in the morning knowing exactly where she had been. That was how she coped with her pain, she went out, and slept with the first guy available. She'd done it since Jillian had died four years ago, when she had lost her best friend.

Falling into her California King size bed up in the master suite, Jack softly cried. She hadn't really wanted to sleep with Brian, she hadn't wanted to hurt him again, but she could tell that he wasn't hurt, he just saw her as an easy floozy, and the sex wasn't even that good. It was her drug of choice these days, at least since Jill had been killed, mainly because it was the only release for her. She refused to drink considering her mother had drank herself to death, and she didn't do drugs, it would interfere with her career, so the only time she felt oblivion was when she was in the arms of a man, a strong man, but this time it hadn't worked. While she was in Brian's arms, she yearned for Nick. Brian wasn't the conscientious lover that Nick was, though he really did try, and now, here she was, regretting everything she had done that night.

_Jack placed the engagement ring in Nick's hand. "You can come by later and pickup your things." She turned to leave._

"_Yeah, that's it, Jack, just run away. You're good at that, taking Daddy's money and running away." Nick called after her._

_Jack turned around and glared at him. "Nicolas, I'm not taking MY money and going anywhere. I'm going to box up your things because as long as you're thinking with your dick, I don't think your going to be able to handle anything bigger than a box of condoms." She continued down the hall. "See 'ya 'round, Nicky." She called sarcastically over her shoulder as she waved back at him._

Nick awoke with a start, a sticky cold sweat covering his entire body. "Crap, why did I have to say that? Why couldn't I have just told Kristy 'no' like I've done a thousand times before?" He said to the empty room. As he ran his hand through his hair, he decided that enough was enough, and he was going to get her back.

Jack awoke from the same dream, only this time, it was eleven in the morning and she wasn't shocked awake. Stepping into the shower, she began to softly cry again as the water cleansed her from the previous night's recollections. After pulling her hair back into its customary ponytail, she headed back down to the pool, where she sat and stared at the placid water before going for a walk on the beach.

Mrs. Laningham watched Jacqueline sink into a deep depression for the next two days. There was so much pain inside of this one girl and it broke her heart. She prayed every night that the Good Lord would lift the sorrow from her heart and allow her to live a little happier for a change. There is only so much tragedy one person can endure, the older lady thought to herself.

She had lied. Jack was devastated; she had lied to Nick when she had broken it off, maybe to get back at him for sleeping with that hooker, or maybe because she really had wanted to stay, work it out, but she couldn't. It wasn't in her nature. She'd always run from all the tragedies in her life, that was the way she had been taught. Daddy had shipped her and Jill off to boarding school after Mom had died, and she had run off with that ball player, Derrick Jones, after Daddy had died, and she had run to Las Vegas after Jill had died. It had been Jill who was the stable one, the one that always told her that she would be all right, but then, Jill was the older one, by two years. It had been Jill who helped them become accepted when they had come back to finish high school in a public school because she had gotten both her and Jill kicked out of Wharton, though she couldn't remember what for anymore. Suddenly, she was shocked out of her reverie by a familiar drawl.

"Come on now." Nick called from behind her one last time. Jack was really lost in thought, but when she finally responded and turned around, he half expected to face her wrath again, but this time, she simply broke down and ran to him.

Once she saw his face, those dark eyes, that small smile, she ran to him and flung her arms around his neck, all of his past deeds forgotten, at least for now. She hadn't been perfect, God knew that, and she was ready to move on, work through this. Nick wasn't like the others, she knew that now, he really loved her for who she was, not because of who she was born as; he didn't even care about her money. "Nicky, Cowboy, I'm so sorry and I've missed you." Jack managed through her tears.

"I've missed you too, Jackie, and I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Well," she actually smiled after a few minutes of bawling in his arms, "why don't we go back to the house and I'll show you around."

"Yeah, you certainly like living in spacious surroundings." Nick laughed as he took her hand and followed her back up the patio steps…

Jillian Anderson-Brown awoke with a start. What was that? Her handsome, talented husband lay beside her, asleep after a long, hard week. Placing a hand on her belly, she felt the baby kick and she smiled. The baby was due any day now and she and Warrick were ecstatic, though she did miss her sister. Hearing her husband stir, she lightly caressed his cheek. "Shh, Honey."

"You OK?" Warrick Brown sat up and gently took his pregnant wife into his arms.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just had a bad dream, that's all."

"It's over now." Lying back down, he kept her in his embrace and placed a hand on her swollen belly. "It was about Jack?"

"Yeah," she fought back the tears, "I dreamed I was the one that died, and she ended up marrying Nick."

Warrick felt a wave of sorrow come over him. His best friend, Nick Stokes, had been killed over a year ago, by a deranged lunatic late one night as he and Gris had investigated an old murder. Grissom had tried to save him, but he had gotten back into the house too late and Nick had been shot to protect a secret that was already out. Nick hadn't even gotten a shot off. "Yeah, well, we'd all like a happy ending, Jill. At least we can try and provide one for our child."

She lightly kissed his forehead. "I hope so." Her older sister, Jacqueline, had been killed by a drunk driver over a year ago on her way back to their South Hampton estate on the Long Island Expressway. The Suffolk County Police told her that her sister's Mercedes was unrecognizable and the body was in worse shape. Apparently, Jack had been coming back from a night in Manhattan, after spending time with her fiancé, Detective Brian Cassidy, and the drunk had jumped the barrier from the westbound lane and hit her head on. She didn't even stand a chance, but at least she didn't suffer much. As she caressed her belly, she promised her unborn child that she would do everything in her power to protect him, Nicolas, they had decided, Nicolas Jack Brown.


End file.
